Wishing and Hoping….

Shorty here….

Well it’s 4DPO, and I’m getting anxious. I’m really hopeful that this worked, and I feel our timing was perfect, Amazon had a positive OPK at the perfect timing, and all her body signs were perfect at the right time. Normally I’m really good about waiting, I’m not usually impatient, and can go about my days as normal without obsessing over the what if’s or events that are coming up. I just let them happen when they are supposed to. This TWW however has me obsessing, sitting at work daydreaming about baby working hard. Browsing Dr. Google for pregnancy symptoms and how soon they start. So much for me being the patient one,  I just want to know and I want to know RIGHT NOW. I’m wishing for the next week to fly right along…and my days are dragging on of course….grumble.

I think I’m more excited and hopeful this time around then I was when we tried in the spring and I was the oven. I didn’t feel confident in our timing or my body signs at all. I know that I will be more disappointed if this round doesn’t work then I was when our first round didn’t work.

I have a feeling I’m going to drive Amazon crazy, with my are you pregnant yet?
Feeling anything yet? Are your Ta Ta’s sore?  etc etc, a hundred times a day. Not to mention everytime she mentions that she’s slightly nausea’s, I shout a loud YAY and do a happy dance pat her back and tell her how sorry I am that she feels nausea’s.

So on 4DPO there’s no solid proof that there is a bun in the oven, but I’m going with the PUPO way of thinking, and continue to kiss her belly goodnight.

2 DPO and…

Well, it’s 2DPO and there’s basically… not much to report!  We are hopingwishingpraying, of course, that there is a little baby inside me making its way down my fallopian tubes and into my uterus, but as for actual proof of this event? Scant to nonexistent.

One hard fact that I do take comfort in and which makes me think that our insem timing really was perfect is that we took another look at Ye Olde Cervix again last night (No speculum-shooting this time ;)). So anyways, the first time we looked at it, Friday night, it was wide open- big ol round open cervix.  And then Saturday when we looked at it, it was even more wide open and we went ahead and did our insems that night and Sunday morning.  Yesterday, though, when we looked at it? It was closed.  Completely closed, not open for business, boarded up for the winter… or for the long haul of a pregnancy maybe?!  Hopefully???  Anyways, the closing of the cervix, more than anything (even more than our positive OPK Saturday night), makes me think our timing was great.  Time will tell.

The only other real “symptom” I have found is (tmi), a lot of CM… not EW anymore, more cloudy, but still tons of it.  I don’t remember there being this much in previous cycles after a positive OPK, though of course, it is entirely possible that I’m just not remembering.  Again, time will tell.

….of course, to help time along, Dr. Google is turning up many many many treasure troves of other women’s symptoms, message boards, and this lovely little obssession mechanism dohickey.  If this doesn’t work, in later cycles I might focus more on trying not to obssess about this whole possibly-pregnant thing… but I figure, this is the first cycle with my body.  The first time, EVER, that I could possibly even be pregnant (and yes folks, that would mean I’m a gold star lesbian!).  This is a time of hope and joy and love and I’m totally going to just let myself go with it.  Let myself live in the moment and the joy and the hope.  We will see what happens.

And finally, speaking of joy, tomorrow is mine and Shorty’s dating anniversary.  We haven’t figured out if we’re going to celebrate tomorrow or this weekend or what (I know, how lame are we?!) but I still think it is worth mentioning.  I love you wife, happy dating anniversary! Here’s hoping there’s a baby in there to share this anniversary.

TWW Day 1

Well, we’re home from our insemination road trip and into the first day of the TWW.  We did one insem last night and one this morning.  We also met the donor, of course!

He’s a really great guy.  Really nice, soft-spoken, just wants to help.  He’s a pediatric doctor- how cool is that?  He’s also from Europe, and has an awesome accent… too bad accents aren’t genetic!  He came to meet us at the hotel last night and we talked in the lobby.  We wanted to go get the contracts done that night but it was after nine- no notaries were open!  Details, details.  So we went ahead and did an insem that night (we waited in the lobby giggling like two-year-olds while the desk lady gave us strange looks- probably wondering what the hell was going on) and then he came back down and left and we went upstairs and insemmed.  Afterwards, we laid around (me with hips raised) watching Grey’s Anatomy on the computer (so glad we remembered to bring that!) and fell asleep snuggling and thinking about future baby.  This morning we woke up and met KD at the notary, and got everything all squared away with the contract and everything.  Afterwards, we went back to the hotel and did another insem, went and got lunch, and went to walk along the lakeshore for a bit.  (PS, we also got v-e-r-y lost along the way- I have no idea how you Chicagolanders get around, even with the GPS we were turned around more than once.  I also got very mad when I had to pay sixty cents just to cross a damn toll bridge to get home!).

So that was that.  The whole way home, I caught Shorty giving me sidelong glances and I’d look at her and ask if she was imagining me pregnant- of course she was.  Also, she informed me when we got home that it is my turn to take out the cat litter- no can do, sorry!  🙂

So hopefully this will work!  We feel pretty good about the timing- positive OPK last night, some EWCM, and slight twingy possible-ovulation-possible-nothing cramps on one side of my pelvis this morning?  So yeah. Let it work let it work let it work.
This may be the longest two weeks of my life.  The crazy thing is, we’ll be finding out right around Shorty’s birthday (Nov. 4th).  How cool of a bday present would a BFP be?!?!

/end rambling.

HEY GUESS WHAT….

WE ARE OFFICIALLY IN OUR TWW!!!!!!! YAY.

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Protected: Adventures in Specu-land…

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Overheard:

So today, while attempting to avoid bedtime, T1 turned to Shorty and slyly asked…

 

“Mama… where’s the baby going to sleep???”

 

Shorty looked at me.  I looked at Shorty.  T1 hasn’t mentioned her “wittle brudder” in such a long time… we had no idea she had any inkling of our plans.  Clearly, we were mistaken.

Later on, I was talking to Shorty about my work day and I mentioned timing my lunch so that I would have time to pee on a stick…  and out of nowhere, T1 appears and says, quizically…. “you peed on a stick?”

It would have been funny except now I’m worried she’ll repeat it to someone else! Guess we’ll have to start watching our words better- I know that for me at least, I tend to forget that she’s out of the everything-goes-over-her-head stage and on to the parroting-everything-you-say stage.  Gaea help us.  LOL.

 

Ps.  Yep.  Waiting.  Still waiting.  Smiley can come any damn day now, thank you very much!  =)

Pretty damn good day.

Well. Work was fine and good (first day=hospital orientation, nothing specific to my job).  I would have been content just to have had a good day at work, been able to get a parking spot in the lot, etc, but, as T1 would say*… YEAH but LOOK what else happened today:

 

 

That’s right. First high day on the monitor this cycle**.  YAY!  Donor has been notified.  Now we just have to wait for the high/peak fertility stars to align with the positive OPK stars and insem day will be here.  Ovulation=soon!!!!!!

 

Great day.

___________

*This is a reference to a hilarious story oft retold by T1’s amused mamas:  T1 has never, ever met a carnival she didn’t like.  You know- those rickety, shaky, look-like-they’ll-fall-down-at-any-second fold-em-up-and-hit-the-road carnivals?  She LOVES them.  LOVES them- and as soon as she spots one set up in a parking lot, a mall, a grassy field, wherever- begging ensues.  the pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease-mom-can’t-stop-to-take-a-breath kind of begging.  So one day, while getting off the freeway, Shorty and I spotted a carnival ahead.  Crap.  Thinking quickly, I sought to engage T1 in a conversation that involved looking at things in the opposite direction.  As I was enthusiastically pointing out cars, butterflies, anything that might hold her attention- she stops me and goes YEAH but LOOK.  I turn around, and there she is, completely ignoring my efforts to distract her, staring in rapture at the carnival scene.  Sigh.  A lesson in futility- but a funny lesson it was.

** Have I mentioned that due to the way my training is scheduled and a lack of forethought on my part when setting the testing window, I have to take my monitor in to work with me each morning, excuse myself to the restroom, and then carry monitor+pee stick around with me in my purse while the monitor does its analysis, until I have a chance to check it?  Pretty amusing sitting in training knowing I have a pee stick in my purse being analyzed.

Back to the daily grind.

…yep. As of tomorrow, I’m back to work and starting my new job!

I’m excited, nervous, and yes- slightly bummed to be torn away from lounging around with my wife and watching grey’s anatomy all day while the kid’s at school! 🙂 Mostly I’m excited though. For my training period, I’m going to have a slightly different schedule than my normal shift will be: 7:30am-4pm for training vs. 10am-6:30pm for my normal shift. This slight schedule change will have the result that on days Shorty has to work, T1 has to go to the babysitter’s in the morning before school and then take the bus from there to school (bus comes at 8am). Poor kid’s gonna be at the babysitter’s both before and after school on days both Shorty and I work- thank goodness it’s only for a month or so. Then again, she LOVES her babysitter’s so it won’t be too much of a torture for her.

Anyways. Back to how I’m feeling for a moment- there is a part of me that can’t believe I’m not going back to the lab and the Ph.D. program, but only a small part. And 100% of me is glad of that fact- zero regrets about leaving. Shorty says that in the month I’ve been out of the program, I’ve changed a lot.  I see it too.   I have more energy.  No more insomnia (though I’ve always been a night owl, and always will be).  I have a sex drive again, people! (Shorty is very relieved). Oh, and I don’t wake up dreading work every day (although I’m not looking forward to a 6am wake-up tomorrow!).  In short, the depression I was feeling, that I am only now able to admit existed- is gone.  Gone, gone, gone, and I am turning over a new leaf.  Thank goodness.

Here’s to new leaves and new beginnings!  And also, here’s to the hope of a smiley face in the next week or so!

Amusing conversations with my mother

So a little side story:  Shorty and I have kept my mom out of the general loop of baby-planning.    She doesn’t know about the donor, she doesn’t know we’re planning, she doesn’t even know we’re going to be wanting to use ME to get pregnant instead of C.  She doesn’t know any of this, partly because we want it to be a surprise when I hopefully eventually DO turn up pregnant, and partly because… well, we just haven’t.

So tonight when I was on the phone with her, I was more than a little amused to hear her suggest, completely unknowingly, that we do everything we’re already doing.  I forget what led to this particular conversation, but suddenly she blurted out…

OH MY GOSH, YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GET PREGNANT NOW, WHILE  YOU’RE WAITING AROUND FOR PA SCHOOL, OH MY GOSH HONEY THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME AND YOU COULD DO XYZ AND WE COULD HAVE A CHRISTMAS BABY!!! AND SINCE YOU HAVE THIS NEW JOB YOU CAN TOTALLY GET PREGNANT NOW AND C CAN GET PREGNANT LATER WHILE YOU’RE FINISHING SCHOOL! OH HONEY, THIS IS PERFECT!  (caps are her emphasis, not mine…. yes, she was very excited about ‘her’ plan.)

Afterwards, it was everything I could do not to burst out with… something. laughter?  Shocked admission that we are, in fact, planning on doing exactly that? In any case, I was highly amused, as was C.  My mother, who likes to plan everyone else’s lives for them, happens to have hit the nail on the head this time around.  All I can do is laugh and hope our/her plan works.  Hopehopehope.

Minutes later, she apparently had an afterthought: Actually… maybe not.  I guess I’m not ready for you to be pregnant.  You live too far away.

So. Almost on the same page, anyways.

PS- tomorrow is CD11.  In a flurry of email exchanges, Shorty and I have asked and answered every question either party could think of, including sending him a copy of the contract to review before we all sign, making sure he’s okay with a late evening rendevous (possibly 9pm, if O day is a day Shorty works and we have to leave after she gets off work), and double checking that he’d be available for multiple insems during any future cycles (though this first one will only be a single insem).  After exhausting all avenues of questioning (we feel completely comfortable at this point), all that’s left is to sit and wait.  About two weeks until we start the TWW… so we are in a pre-TWW, if you will.  Hope it goes by fast!