Right now, we are moms to two and foster moms to two. Right now, life is crazy and hectic and cash-strapped but also full of sweet smiles, lots of cuddles, and sweet baby moments.
Right now, we are in the land of a thousand “be nice’s” and “gentles” and “uh-ohs!” as we navigate a world of babies becoming toddlers and learning to interact with each other. Right now, we are trying to figure out how to let the babies play safely together, as we have had a number of incidents of biting, hair pulling, and scratching. Although our new 15mo girl has mostly been the one causing the hurt, we’re not blaming her. From everything I have read and everyone I have talked to, biting is a pretty normal 15-month-old expression of frustration, and not necessarily a scar left on her by DCS. So, right now we are trying to teach her to be nice, be gentle, no biting, and naming emotions. Hopefully she will learn.
Right now, Pax is so so close to walking. We are at the stage where every time he lets go and stands on his own, one of us will whisper excitedly to the other to LOOK, QUICKLY in case he goes from standing to walking and so that we do not miss it. Thus far, he has accomplished one step and then falling, but one of these times he will have it and then he will not stop. Right now, I am so excited to witness this next “first” of his!
Right now, we are savoring sweet, sweet moments of nursing and cuddling the boy as the number of nursings we have left becomes so obviously fewer and fewer. He is weaning himself, not something I ever thought would happen at only twelve months, and right now I feel simultaneously sad that he will be done and that period of our relationship will be over, and looking forward to having my body back again (at least until the next one!). He only nursed twice yesterday, and that counts the bedtime nursing, and I am finding that oftentimes even when I offer, he will only nurse for a few minutes and then wants to be down and exploring the world (yes, this happens even in quiet rooms with minimal distractions). He does, however, still happily nurse at night (mostly a comfort thing- I don’t think he’s actually getting much milk) and would nurse all night long if we let him (luckily he no longer sleeps in our bed)- so right now, I don’t see our nursing relationship completely disappearing yet.
Right now, Thing One is starting to struggle in school again. She did so well last year that I had hoped it would be smooth sailing from there on out, that maybe what she needed was just a “restart” button. But she’s starting to struggle hard with language arts even with the extra help we give her at home, and right now, I am starting to worry a lot about it. Other than this, right now, Thing One is doing well- socially and in other school endeavors. She is coping beautifully with the new babies and loves to be a helper.
Right now, we are savoring autumn outings, pumpkins, apple orchards, and chances to catch up with friends over cups of hot cider. Right now, I can’t believe that it’s already Autumn again.
Right now, I am looking forward to my mom’s surprise visit in two weeks. She literally just booked the plane tickets tonight, and the whole purpose of her visit is so she can be here for Pax’s first birthday celebrations. I am so happy she will be here for it- it is a huge milestone and I was a little sad that the time and distance factor were going to make her miss it.
Right now, I am remembering two autumns ago, when we first got started using my body to TTC, and last Autumn when Pax arrived. Right now, I am holding a bottle of Vitex, ready to start taking it in the hope that it will help to regulate my cycles postpartum and get the TTc 2.0 show once again on the road, because my period still has not arrived and yet every test I have taken says not pregnant. I am blaming the postpartum hormones and hoping vitex will help with that. Right now, I am trying to be optimistic about the process but also realistic that it could take my body awhile to get back to normal- and that using Shorty’s body is no longer an option because
Right now, she is on the verge of having the new job she interviewed for! She received her conditional offer letter, pending background check (which we both know she’ll pass). Right now we are both excited and impatient to end this long, drawn-out interview process and just freakin’ have her START already. I am so so proud of her.
And finally, right now, I have to pause and reflect on mine and Shorty’s marriage. We have been through so much together and had a lot of upheaval in our lives- some of it uninvited (Addie, L, and Bubby were pretty much just dumped on us) and some of it invited (we chose to move, we chose to stay foster parents, we chose to have Pax!) and through it all, we have remained steady. This is not to say that we haven’t had our rocky moments- we definitely have, but we have worked through them, talked them out, committed to getting past them. We have remembered to say “I love you,” to cuddle when we can (meaning, when there is not a baby in between us), to try to forgive each other for little things and to make time for us- even if it’s just an hour here or there. We are making it through and even though our lives are crazy crazy crazy right now, it is not bad. She is by my side and I am by hers and right now, that feels like a huge blessing.