lezbemoms

Raising a Blended Family

BFN (#1)

Well, I think it’s officially time to call it.  Although Shorty’s temps stayed nice and high today, we still got a BFN on the test this morning… and at 13DPO, it’s looking pretty certain that this is that actual official result, rather than just another false negative.  We’re just waiting for AF to get here.

It’s okay though… it really is.  We’ve kind of prepared ourselves for it, so it’s not a huge downer, just a mild disappointment.  We’ll try again on the other side of the summer… right now, there’s so much other stuff going on (bridal shower, wedding, Thing 1’s 6th birthday party, camping trips, job changes) that it’s easier for us to wait a few more months to try again.  September, anyone???

At least now Shorty can go on all the fun rides with me at Disne.yland when we go after the wedding, and I have someone to pass my excess amount of drinks to at our (joint) bachelorette party.   Excellent. =)

PS- just a heads up that today will be a double post day- it’s Thing 1’s last day of kindergarten (!!!), and she’s getting a surprise “kid of the month” type award today in an assembly so I’ll post pics and such later on… I feel like our first BFN and our first child’s kindergarten graduation both deserve their own separate posts!!!  I will say that I shed a tear (or two) when I dropped her off this morning, after I made her stand still to take last-day-of-school pictures (with a black eye, more on this later) and she impatiently rolled her eyes at me and said “Come on, mom, I’m gonna be late” and huffed away into the building without so much as a backwards glance. Oh, how they grow…

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Limbo Land

Well…. we still don’t know one way or the other.

The negative signs:
-All pregnancy tests so far have been negative (including an EPT taken this morning at 12DPO).

The positive signs:
-Temps remain elevated, although AF isn’t due until tomorrow. So I guess we’ll know at 5am after she temps whether or not it’s worth taking HPTs anymore.

The possible signs (symptoms):
– Exhaustion: Shorty has been completely exhausted all week. We’re not sure what’s up with this, because it happened even on days where she’s gotten plenty of sleep the night before.

– Peeing like a racehorse every few hours, even when she purposely didn’t drink much one day to see if she would still need to pee as much. She did.

– Lack of PMS symptoms- there have been no period cramps, and her boobs, while sore, are not as sore as they usually get. There were slight cramps one day (we didn’t write which day down, drat us!) but they didn’t feel like period cramps, she said.

Soooo, in summary: what gives, Universe? How’s that for a confusing bunch of possible signs and symptoms to interpret? I just want to know- I think I’m ready for the negative, if that’s what it’s going to be, but either way I just wanna know.

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Limbo Land

Well…. we still don’t know one way or the other.

The negative signs:
-All pregnancy tests so far have been negative (including an EPT taken this morning at 12DPO).

The positive signs:
-Temps remain elevated, although AF isn’t due until tomorrow. So I guess we’ll know at 5am after she temps whether or not it’s worth taking HPTs anymore.

The possible signs (symptoms):
– Exhaustion: Shorty has been completely exhausted all week- she actually passed out on the couch at 9 o’clock tonight. We’re not sure what’s up with this, because she’s been tired even on days where she’s gotten plenty of sleep the night before.

– Peeing like a racehorse every few hours, even when she purposely didn’t drink much one day to see if she would still need to pee as much. She did.

– Lack of PMS symptoms- there have been no period cramps, and her boobs, while sore, are not as sore as they usually get. There were slight cramps one day (we didn’t write which day down, drat us!) but they didn’t feel like period cramps, she said.

Soooo, in summary: what gives, Universe? How’s that for a confusing bunch of possible signs and symptoms to interpret? I just want to know- I think I’m ready for the negative, if that’s what it’s going to be, but either way I just wanna know.

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Nope.

We tested today-at 10DPO- and nada.  I realize it’s still early but it’s discouraging.  Earlier I swore I saw a second line on an FRER stick, but I looked again and didn’t see anything.  Shorty says I probably just wanted there to be a line- she’s probably right.

We’ll test again on Tuesday morning (13DPO), assuming AF hasn’t come before then… we’ll see.

I’m bummed.  I really wanted to go shopping for little baby outfits that say “grandma’s the best” this weekend to tell my mom.  I really want Shorty to be pregnant.

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Gendering our children?

Have you all read the article, originally from the Toronto Star, about the parents who are keeping their child’s gender a secret???  If you haven’t, go here to read it- and then come back here to discuss it with me!!!  It’s very reminiscent of this story, which I read awhile ago as part of an intro to feminisms class in college- only that story is fiction, and this latest news story isn’t.

What do you think? Too extreme? Great way to give your child freedom to become who they are and not who mattel wants them to be?  I’m just curious to see other’s opinions might be on this subject.

For me, personally, I applaud the parents and what they are trying to accomplish, but also believe it can be accomplished in other ways.  I think it’s very brave of them to take a stand against all the gendering that goes on in today’s society, and if their particular form of doing that is leaving their child’s sex* a secret, then so be it.  Being completely honest though, I don’t think I could ever do that.  It would be too hard.

Something I am open to, and that my mother did with me, is trying to provide our future child with a balanced gender experience so that they can decide for themselves who they are and what they’re like.  For instance, in my childhood, every Christmas I got plenty of “girl” toys… dolls and the like (though never Barbies or make up), but for every “girl” toy I got I also got a “boy” toy or a “neutral” toy.  My mom would buy me things like Tonka Trucks, and Legos, and kid’s science books, and construction sets and dinosaurs.  She never gave me any idea that playing with these toys as a girl was anything out of the ordinary, and I think I grew up much less genderized or gender-conformative because of it.  Do I still like dresses and heels and shopping and other typical “girl” things? Yes, absolutely.  But I got to choose that I liked them, instead of having them chosen for me.  I got to choose to be a femme, instead of being thrown into the girly-girl roll. (Thanks mom).

When it comes down to it, I think that’s all these parents are trying to do, too.  They want to give their kid a choice in who they become.  So even if I question their method,  I think their aims should be applauded- and I wish more parents would think like them.  The end.

PS- 9DPO today, we’re gonna test again tomorrow! Wish us luck.

*I also think though that there could be all sorts of dialogue opened up here about sex and gender identity, but, frankly, it’s early in the morning and I am le tired.

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We’ll try it!

Oh my gosh, you guys all rock!!! Thanks so much for all the info on cloth diapering.  I can tell you now that we are definitely interested- yes, both of us!!! Truth be told, I think Shorty took one look at all the adorable covers and was sold… 😉 But either way, I can now say this is definitely something we want to do.

A lot of you suggested trying several styles and varieties before committing to one main type of CD, an idea I also like. I actually ran across this kit online, and figured we could pick up a few bumGeniuses or other types too and try them all out before committing.

Of course, even before getting the “test” diapers, we need to have a baby-on-the-way to put INTO said dipes… so to that end I should tell you that we I got impatient this morning and tested (at 7DPO)… and got exactly what I deserved for testing so early, a negative.  I won’t call it a BFN though, since I wholeheartedly believe Shorty is pregnant (and she is beginning to believe it herself, more importantly!).  Her chart seems clearly headed into triphasic territory, which would obviously be awesome (and heartening for me to see, since I can’t convince Shorty to test again until Saturday… sigh).  Either way though, one stick has been peed on and many more to come,  I’m sure.

By the way, stay safe today ya’ll!!!  I don’t know about you, but we’re sitting right on the edge of that lovely “area of high risk” outlined in white by TWC.  Thanks meteorologists, thanks.  May or may not be a bumpy ride tonight!  Anyone else in a similar situation, stay safe and keep your ears peeled!

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Cloth Diapering-Curious

You know how some people label themselves “bi-curious” or “queer-curious?”  Well, I’m labeling myself cloth diapering-curious.  Curious, because I’m in no way ready to commit, and am really just kind of at a junction, peering down two intersecting streets and wondering which way to go.  Shorty is curious as well, although perhaps less curious than me and much more ready to go one way over the other ;-), but I think this is partly because, as a couple, we just don’t know that much about cloth-diapering. For my part, I think the only time I had heard of the term (prior to reading the blogs) was in reference to the Amish? Or something?  In any case, it wasn’t something I ever gave much thought, until now.

I have read soooo many of your experiences on this, and to be completely honest, my inner dialogue when I first ran across this topic went something like this:

“EW! POO! Are they CRAZY?! There is NO WAY we’re doing that with our kid!.” 

I was completely disgusted by the idea- couldn’t see around the whole “poo” aspect of it all, lol.  Shorty and I even made comments to each other to the effect of “to each their own but not for us.”  I kept reading though, and started running across this idea more and more frequently- it seems like a lot of you are cloth-diaperers!  At least a few times a week now I read about (or seek out posts about) prefolds and bumgeniuses and inserts and something else- and I’ve officially worked my way from Completely Disgusted to Moderately Curious about the whole subject. Moderately Curious, yet still pretty durn confused.

This is a choice that I *think* would work for my family… think, but do not know for sure.  I am picturing us buying cloth diapers and having our baby crawl around with a cute little cloth diaper butt… which seems perfectly fine, eco-friendly, and baby-friendly, until I start getting into questions such as these and realize that cloth diapering may not be mom-friendly:

  • What are the costs of cloth-diapering a baby butt?  Is it really so much more economical and affordable? Do you ever have to replace the cloth diapers or do they pretty much last the lifetime of the baby? And where do you even get them, anyways?

I ask these questions because, while it seems like it could be economical, I’ve read figures that go well into the four, five, or six hundreds to start off with.  Is this really true? I suppose that even if it is, that could still conceivably be cheaper than the cost of buying 2-3 years’ worth of diapers, assuming we wouldn’t have to replace the entire stock or start from scratch ever again… which begs the question:

  • How durable are they???  Can they handle blow outs and baby pee?  Do they eventually get poo-stained and yucky, or does it all come out reasonably well in the wash?  And oh yeah, WASHING. How exactly does that work???

My thoughts right now are that if we did choose to cloth diaper, we would have a “wet” bucket or pail already prefilled with some sort of presoaking solution (begging yet another question, how to keep said bucket safe from baby) and the used diapers would go straight into the bucket, which would then be emptied directly into the washing machine without me ever having to touch the diapers again until they were clean.  I do know that neither Shorty nor I are up for any sort of “toilet swishing” and that our involvement from the time the dirty diaper comes off to the time it comes out of the washing machine will have to be pretty minimal, otherwise it’s probably a no go.  Hmmm… guess I didn’t quite get over those poop issues, after all. 🙂

My final (for now) questions revolve around convenience and feasibility.

  • How does cloth diapering work when you’re on the go? Does one just give in and use disposables on outings? I’ve read about a cloth diaper “wet bag” but not sure what, entirely, that entails.  Also, I’m wondering what happens when baby goes to a relative’s house… do the moms educate the relatives on how to diaper their baby’s bottom? Or does the baby hang out in disposable for the week?

Honestly, although it may not seem like it from these questions, I have learned a TON from reading all your blogs on the subject… just not enough to make any sort of decision yet.  I’m still missing some pretty fundamental concepts as well, such as “what are the different types of cloth diapering styles available?” and “what are the benefits of some of these types over others?”  I really feel like I just need to go find a cloth-diapering 101 website… can anyone recommend one?  In the meantime, the good news is I’ve got plenty of time… considering we can’t even test to find out if Shorty’s preggers until Saturday. And then it’ll be, you know, another 9 months after that of waiting to put theory into action. 🙂

PS, this is me making a promise that if we do decide to do cloth diapering and I do eventually find all the answers to these questions, I will come back and do a big ginormous post and answer every single one of these questions, so that my blog can be a resource for future mommies-to-be who may be, at some point in the future, just as confused as I am right now.  LOL.

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It’s gotta be.

I just got a text from my wife.  It read,

“I want to clean the house sooooo bad, but I’m soooo tired I can’t get off the couch.”

Um, excuse me, but if that isn’t a pregnant woman talking then I don’t know what is!!!!!!!!!!

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I am the sign seeker.

…and I seek out signs. Specifically, pregnancy signs (and symptoms)!

So far, signs and symptoms as of 5DPO include:

  • Shorty has suddenly taken a liking to Cry.stal Lig.ht Lemonade packets.  I should preface this with the fact that, months ago, she told me she HATED them and asked me to please not buy them anymore.  So I didn’t, but the box of packets (family size servings, mind you) wasn’t empty and I hated to throw it away so it just sat there in the pantry for forever… until the past week or so, when Shorty suddenly has apparently decided she loves the things and has single-handedly demolished the box.
  • Cramping! Shorty had some short-lived, mild cramping today that could definitely fall into the category of possibly-maybe-hopefully implantation cramping. At 5DPO, it’s right around perfect timing for that to happen (from what I understand).
  • Higher-than-normal temp today (almost 98!).
  • I swear her boobs are bigger. 😉

Anyways, as previously noted, if I am the sign-seeker then Shorty is the sign-ignorer.  She has the patience of a saint (at least as far as waiting to find this out is concerned) and seemingly zero interest in playing the symptom-or-not game with me (though she does dutifully report how she’s feeling to me and anything out of the ordinary so that I can play SON by myself… or perhaps it’s just to keep me from bugging the crap out of her asking every three seconds how she’s feeling. Either or).  Every day, I swear we are living proof that opposites attract. I must say, we balance each other perfectly. =)

PS- there is absolutely zero truth in her accusations about peppermint sticks and me.  I swear, I don’t know what she’s talking about. Must be all those raging pregnancy hormones getting to her. 😉

PPS- Testing Day is Saturday.  5 more sleeps!!!

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Some Random Thoughts…(shorty)

Here recently Amazon has voiced concerns about being the “non-bio mom” and not bonding with Thing 2. That I will have this special bond with Thing 2, because I will be staying home the first 6 weeks with the baby.

This got me thinking last night, and I have come to the conclusion that this will not be an issue and that her  bond with Thing 2 will be just as strong as my bond will be. I believe this for a couple of different reasons.

Those reason being:

1.) I will not have a problem with handing her the baby and stepping out of the picture giving her one on one time with the baby. I’m actually super excited to have the experience of co-parenting a child with someone. I did not have this when Thing One was a baby, I couldn’t take a shower without her other parent banging on the door 5 seconds after I got in, yelling are you done yet! I didn’t have anyone to help me with night feedings, nights of pacing when she didn’t want to sleep, or even just anyone to help with the daily responsibilities of having a baby. Having lived the role of having to do it all myself once already, and quickly realizing I didn’t like it, I’m excited to have a wonderful partner that is going to be as involved with our child as I am.

2.) She will be inducing lactation so that she can also breastfeed our baby. I think this will help tremendously with her bonding with the baby. Not only will it help with some of the stress that I would have as being the childs only source of food, it will also give her the feeling of being really involved, being able to provide nourishment to our child. To be able to soothe and comfort the baby in a way that only breastfeeding can. Also if for some reason Amazon in not able to induce lactation, which I have a feeling that she will be able to, I have no problems with pumping and letting her bottle feed the baby as often as she wants. I’m actually looking forward to not being the only walking bottle/pacifier in the house. 🙂

3.) We have Thing One. We have established parenting roles already. We know what it is like to have a child be part of the equation. So having a baby, while yes is going to change the equation a bit in our family setting as each new child does. It’s not going to be a brand new experience to us to raise a child together.

So I am not worried about Amazon bonding with the baby, but I understand that it is a real concern of hers. So I will listen to her worries and  continue to remind her of these three points plus many others. She is a wonderful loving mother to Thing One and I know she is going to be a wonderful loving mother with a strong bond to Thing Two and any other Things we may have in the future.

Of course for this to even be an issue we need a BFP, we are going to wait another week before we test. I’m going to be okay with this wait, as where my loving non patient Amazon, is probably going to die.

Speaking of Amazon and her impatience, I made the mistake of telling her that when I was pregnant with Thing One I couldn’t stand the smell of peppermint. It would make me nausea, gag, and even vomit. NOT PLEASANT. This was a big problem because I was going through my first trimester over christmas season. Peppermint was EVERYWHERE. So since 1 DPO Amazon has taken to randomly walking up to me and shoving peppermint suckers into my mouth to see if i have the same reactions as I had with Thing One.

Okay so besides this being annoying, there are two things that could happen with this method of testing. One being that I will not have the same issue with peppermint that I had with Thing One, there for shoving peppermint into my mouth is not going to give us any indication if I’m actually preggo or not, so the result is having peppermint suckers which are gross, just randomly shoved into my mouth leaving a bad taste of peppermint afterwards. Two being that I do have the same issue with peppermint. Which could lead me to vomiting on Amazon, which I’m sure she will not be a fan of and I would find really not funny. 😀

Shorty

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