lezbemoms

Raising a Blended Family

Soliciting Opinions

As the new baby’s arrival looms ever-nearer, so does the introduction of a problem we have been trying to solve. It is, of course, a sleep-related problem, as it seems many problems concerning toddlers and new babies are. Ours, in particular, revolves around cosleeping dilemmas.

We have, from the beginning, shared a family bed with Pax. Though it was never in our plans, Paxton is and always has been a self-declared cosleeper. The boy needs our touch and our presence to fall and stay asleep- during the night, he reaches out a hand and makes sure he is in constant contact with the bare skin of one of our arms, or necks, or bellies. This, too, he has always done. An earlier post of mine describing 4-month-old Pax states that he

seems to be a very tactile baby- he needs to FEEL us, skin to skin, and seems to get a lot of comfort out of it. I know all babies do this to an extent but he seems to be even more-so than average.

This post, from when he was just four months old, is so spot-on for how he still is that it blows my mind.  No, he doesn’t sleep ON us anymore (as described in that post), but damn near close enough- oftentimes, we fall alseep forehead-to-forehead with him in constant contact with mine or Shorty’s body.

Also, though he starts out each night in his own room where we deposit him at bedtime, he never falls asleep or stays asleep there for long. Instead, he plays, babbles, and eventually cries until one of us comes to get him and deposit him in “mama bed” as he calls it. Then, he will ONLY go to sleep if we lay down with him- the act of transferring him into our bed does not in and of itself mean he will sleep. (So, here is problem number one: The kid isn’t going to sleep each night until ten or so, because that’s when WE go to bed, and that’s just too damn late for a toddler’s bed time. Plus, he won’t sleep independently, AT ALL.).

Admittedly, we enable this routine. We get him when he is crying and take him to our bed, thus reinforcing the crying routine. But, I will also say that it feels right, having him in our bed. The few times we have tried to wean him out of it have been unsuccessful in part because of mine and Shorty’s unwillingness to be parted from him at night. Speaking for myself, I love snuggling him. i love feeling him run his hand over my arm, his fingertips on my palms, “feeling” for me and comforting himself with my presence. I like reaching out and “scooping” him over to me from across the bed- like catching a fish in a net- once he is limp and asleep and unprotesting (if he’s not fully asleep, I am liable to be told off for daring to try to snuggle him. “NO. ‘top it, mama. I schweeping!”). I like knowing he’s safe at night, being able to feel him breathing, and I love waking up, all of us together in the mornings, him snuggling and giving out hugs to wake us up as we blink awake. In short, We aren’t AT ALL ready for him to leave our bed, and neither is he. Cosleeping with him has made us all closer and more intimate, and it has been one of my favorite things about this whole journey of ours.

The problem, then, comes in thinking about Shiloh and her arrangements. I want the same for her as for Pax, sleeping in bliss with comfort in the form of her moms nearby, and the security that comes with all of it. But, I want this for her without giving up the continued cosleeping with Pax, which obviously brings up safety concerns. Pax obviously isn’t ready to stop cosleeping; my own previous posts show that he has just always been this kind of sleeper and therefore not likely to suddenly change now. So what, then, is the solution?

I have googled and researched and I have some ideas, but what I would love would be to hear your thoughts. Has anyone been in this situation, or had friends who were? What worked for you/them? What did you ultimately do? We have three months to ponder this decision; I know that time will fly by though and we need to make arrangements.

Basic facts we are working with:

-we already have a king bed, turned sideways on the floor.

-Our room is small. Possibly could sidecar a crib? Not so sure a twin mattress would fit alongside, but maybe.

-He hates his toddler bed and always has. I think because the mattress makes noises and isn’t a mom-style grown up mattress but rather still a crib mattress? We’ve got a twin bed for him that we just need to put together, but again- not so sure we even want him out of our bed yet!

So, give me your ideas. I want to hear ’em!

(Just for fun, I now present the many sleeping positions of Paxton. Lol!) 
    


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This post brought to you by my own clumsy feet

So, it turns out, when you don’t have time to post, Life makes time for you. Sometimes, it cancels a class for you… Other times, it makes you trip off a curb in front of a crowd on your way home one fine Monday evening, sprain/break your ankle (outcome TBD) and have an unexpected ER trip instead. And since you’re sitting there by yourself with your wife at home on standby with the kids ready to come get you… You suddenly have time to post. Thanks, life.

i swear that sidewalk wasnt there a second ago

  

hellooooo, cankle.

So while I’m sitting here chillin’, it turns out I have time to update you guys…. At least until the X-ray guy comes. But we all know that means we’ve got time.

Potty training- is going so, so much better than we ever expected. The boy pees. In the toilet, mostly (though we have of course had our occasional accidents). He holds his pee appropriately. He made it through a four hour car ride with only one stop and NO accidents. He naps dry in the daytime in just underwear, no pull up. He will occasionally tell us now when he has to go (we mostly initiate it though). He’s a miracle!

The one thing he does not do is poop. (In the toilet, that is- because he sure as heck goes poop as soon as we put his pull up on at night). So, that is a work in progress, but honestly I think he just didn’t want to make it too easy for us because everything else has been cake.

instilling an early love of reading on the pot

  

his favorite part of this whole thing is getting to “play in the water” afterwards.

Preggers is doing fine. And by “fine,” I mean waddling everywhere, taking up all the room in bed with her “rocket ship” (pregnancy pillow), and eating lots and lots and LOTS of pickles. No seriously. LOTS:

that’s a one-gallon jar of pickles i bought her. when i texted her a picture of it she sent back “OMG YOU’RE MY HERO.”

 

Baby girl is fine and healthy in there, as far as we know. All signs point to her being a star soccer player some day and it’s gotten to the point where I can feel her kicking my back at night when we’re cuddling. Awww. We have another baby appointment next week (the four weeks in between appointments keep FLYIN’ on by!) so I can update you guys then (or, you know, not… If it’s going to cause another foot-curb incident. Lol)

Nursing school is also flying. I have two more weeks in this semester and then a summer semester and I’m done! Can’t believe it. We’ve got a lot to do before nursing school ends (assignments, preparing for baby girl, figuring out how to pay summer tuition since my financial aid ran out (!)… But we’ll get there. It’s stressful, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and when we reach it, I’ll be done with school AND it will be baby girl time (hopefully in that order, pleasekaythanks.). It’ll be here before I know it!

Thing One- is doing really well this year in school. I probably haven’t talked about it much but she struggles a lot usually and was diagnosed ADHD. We started her on the lowest dose of meds they have and, they help! Her grades have steadily come up and I think, her self-esteem related to school has as well. She is silly, smart, and always tries to be helpful, and she’s starting to mature into an older kid rather than a little kid. It’s definitely a gradual transition but little by little she’s making it. Her attitude, however, is sadly still on the problem list. She will be ten this July but she acts like she’s 17 already. Definitely a lot of head-butting between moms and kid in this house! And we thought that didn’t start until teenagehood… psh. There are some days where I wonder if we will all survive until then! Ha!

a picture Wifey just sent me to make me feel better

Anyways. Overall life is good- not too many complaints and lots of happiness. That’s the way it’s supposed to be, right?

Okay. So there’s your ER-update…. Now who wants to take bets on how much longer I’ll be here? 

(Later edited to add: not broken! YAAAAAAY! Thank everything, ’cause ain’t nobody got time fo dat!)

  

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Potty training- notes from the trenches

We are on day three of potty training here at Casa Lezbemoms. It is going okay. so far.

On day one (Wednesday) Pax went to daycare in the morning (they were having their egg-dying party that day)  and then came home in the afternoon and began potty training. No accidents that day and he peed in the potty twice! Moms were proud! It was definitely an encouraging start to potty training.

Day two, yesterday, went slightly worse than day one. Pax once again went to daycare in the morning because they were doing their Easter party and we didn’t want him to miss it. We brought in extra pants and underwear, and he ended up peeing in the potty once and having two accidents before we picked him up that afternoon. The accidents, though, might have had something to do with being distracted from the party and the egg hunt they were doing. When we brought him home, he had a couple accidents and only peed in the potty once. He didn’t drink a whole lot yesterday though which meant that a lot of times when we went to sit on the potty, he just didn’t have anything left to pee. When he did have accidents, we made him help clean them, so he can start to understand the connection between peeing and the need to pee on the potty.

He has started saying “no potty” and resisting going to sit on it, something that was unexpected given how clearly ready he is to potty training. I think it’s mainly a toddler-control issue, and also not wanting to be interrupted from whatever he is doing at that moment. He will also proclaim himself “done” within two seconds of his butt hitting the toilet seat- so distraction with books, songs, etc comes into play in order to make sure he sits there longer and actually goes. Finally, last night he hadn’t gone poop in two days and Shorty and I had a feeling that as soon as we put his diaper on for the night, he would go. Sure enough, he did. So that was frustrating but we will work on it.

This morning so far we are half and half, success rate vs accident rate. He flat out peed in his underwear one time and didn’t say anything, but the second time when he started to pee he looked down and said UHOH and we rushed to the bathroom, where he promptly finished peeing quite a big amount. We still had to change underwear because he’d gotten them wet when he started to go, but I count it a success since he ended up going in the potty. I have no doubt that it will get better (though any tips on dealing with the “no’s” would be great!) Today is an at-home-all-day day, so hopefully we make some progress!

In his robot underwear

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