Raising a Blended Family

Derailed, Retracking

on August 26, 2013

As I’m writing you, the mood here is a pretty mixed bag. Excitement, nerves, disappointment, sadness. Nothing is ever simple. Not here in Casa Lezbemoms.

Shorty’s cycle has been trucking right along. Perfect pre-ovulation temps, perfect as-predicted positive OPK today, our Known Donor was ready and willing to go… except we’re not, anymore.

Yesterday, the day before the freaking positive OPK, after an entire cycle of temping and tracking and impatience and ready-to-go, Shorty got an email. And in that email was an invitation to the final stages of selection to a dream job Shorty had applied for.  The job would be amazing for our family.  It’s federal, so we would both have benefits (thank you, downfall of DOMA!) and so would all the kids. Shorty used to be military, so she could use her years of service towards retirement. It would allow us a lot more flexibility to move the hell out of a state we both hate.  Oh yeah, and it’s more money than she currently makes. It would be GREAT.

However, hard on the heels of elation at the opportunity came disappointment and frustration.  Having a chance at this job also means that knocking her up is probably not the best idea right now.   For basic starters, she would not be eligible for FMLA and maternity leave until she had been there for a year.  They might be willing to work with us, they might not. Probably not. There is also a strenuous physical test she must pass in order to even finish hiring on for the job- she wouldn’t be able to take that test while pregnant. And then there’s the matter of her settling into a new job and accruing sick leave and personal time, going away for two months of training (freaking georgia. for TWO MONTHS. 😦 ) , and the rotating schedule she would have to endure for the first year until she settles into her permanent schedule. Being pregnant is not conducive to any of this!

Still, the job is a great opportunity and there are great reasons (see above) she applied in the first place.  It’s just the timing that sucks. Finding this out the day before you expect to get your positive OPK and having to make the decision to pull the plug even after you’ve already made arrangements with the donor and you have your bags packed for the trip is unbelievably frustrating. Sort of like when your baby wakes up and starts screaming while you and your wife are in flagrante delicto and juuuust about to finish the deed… only not, because one of you has to roll yourself out of bed to go tend your screaming newborn. Pardon the comparison.

Unquestionably, plans for the job move forward. She has one more interview tomorrow night (fingers crossed).  The question now is, where do babymaking plans go from here?

She doesn’t have the job yet. She could not even get it. Or, as we’re obviously hoping, she could. But we’re not going to find any of that out until too late for this cycle. Maybe not even on time for the next one.

If it were just the matter of waiting a cycle or two, we’d be fine. We’d wait. But if she gets this, it will be much longer than that (see: training period away from home, probationary period with no call-ins allowed, etc). We don’t know if we’re willing to wait that long. It ultimately depends on how long that wait is but we don’t know how long it is until we’ve waited it. It’s crazymaking.

The other obvious choice is to just use me again.  After swearing up and down that I was never doing that crap again, thank you very much, my biological clock is betraying me and I find myself wanting to be pregnant again. So I wouldn’t mind taking one for the team, per se, and my cycle is even participating: I could get pregnant as early as next week. But we’re not sure that’s what we want to do. Shorty also really wants to be pregnant again and had been looking forward a lot to trying this cycle. So, me getting pregnant, while it would get us the baby we both want, would feel kind of weird- almost wrong. I don’t want to take this opportunity from my wife.

The agreement we’ve come to for right now, which knowing this household could change any second, is that we’ll wait to see. We’re hoping to know the results of this interview and whether or not she’ll be offered the job by the time I ovulate. If she gets it, then we could go ahead and have me get pregnant. If not, then we could wait for her to ovulate again and continue as planned.  If we don’t find out by the time I ovulate, we’ll probably just wait. I would hate to inseminate me, and then two days later find out that we could have gone with her after all.*

That’s the working plan. We’ll keep you updated… things here tend to move fast and change even faster.

Let us know if you have any other ideas. We’re open!

*Not that I think this will happen. My wife is a rockstar and she’s GOT this!


3 responses to “Derailed, Retracking

  1. mummylass says:

    I am happy you are waiting to explore the options with Shorty as being actually pregnant is very special and she should have the opportunity to experience it if it is possible. Its a win win situation really, she gets her dream job, or she gets pregnant! Look at it that way 😉

  2. Isa says:

    Well, you know I think you should both have another turn–moar babiez! But it’s too good to pass up. I say you wait a cycle anyway so she has a chance to get through the interview and another month of whatever hoops there are to jump through (probably literally, by the sounds of it) and then you can figure out your path from there. My only concern with you getting preggo is if she doesn’t have any leave time and isn’t allowed to call in, you’d want to make sure you don’t have that baby before she can take time off to bond/help/sleep. But this is so exciting all around!

  3. meridith says:

    Wishing her luck on the interview – a federal job! Outstanding! I would love to go back so that I could use those earned years of service. I’m hoping for the best for you all, even if there is a short baby delay. Keep us posted!

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