lezbemoms

Raising a Blended Family

Packing, Reflecting, Crying

on July 23, 2013

We have been doing a lot of all of these things around here this week.

Packing- we have to get the kids’ stuff together before we go to Jamaica.  There isn’t time once we get home. We have to find all their toys spread out amidst all the rooms of the house, find all the pairs of underwear in their dressers and in the laundry, make sure favorite lovies and barbies and cars aren’t excluded from our searches.  We have to pack blankets and sippies and beds and shoes, because they are moving out and there is nothing we can do to stop them.

Yes, this is usually when the reflecting and crying parts come in. Also, when we look at pictures. That pretty much does it too. Shorty found a bunch of videos of when Addie was a newborn- crying her newborn hungry cry, sitting and cooing, laughing as Thing One did silly faces at her and she just looked so.damn.little and we have come SO FAR.  She was all of six pounds when we got her and fit in her newborn clothes until she was two months old. I remember the favorite outfits and the so-sweet nighttime feedings and cuddles and the way she didn’t even fill up half of a sleep sack and how she used to cover her eyes with her teeny little fists while she drank her bottles.  I remember all of it.  And it sickens me, fucking sickens me, that it doesn’t matter how far we’ve come or how many videos and pictures and memories and everything else we have because it still all comes down to this.

She was never ours to begin with and now they’re sending her back. They’re sending them all back. Secure attachments, love, stability be damned.

 

Three days left.

 

This fucking blows.

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One response to “Packing, Reflecting, Crying

  1. meridith says:

    This is just heartbreaking. I’m glad you’re having the chance to pack their memories, no matter how bitter it is.

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