lezbemoms

Raising a Blended Family

Funny-Gross

on January 15, 2013

So, you know how every once in awhile, something really gross but really funny happens to you, and you immediately know you have to share it?  Well, peeps, something happened to me this morning and the first people I thought of to share it with were you! Aren’t you lucky?

Around ten o’clock this morning, I had just finished feeding Pax and was heading into the nursery with him to grab something.  I scooped him up and snuggled him close, letting his head rest on my shoulder as we walked. As I entered the nursery, I had one of those moments where I absolutely could not for the life of me remember what it was I had wanted to grab (don’t you hate those?), so I just stood with him in the middle of the room for a minute, thinking. Finally, I gave up on trying to remember, wrote it off as a lost cause, and decided to change his diaper instead so as to make the whole trip worthwhile. I got out the clean diaper insert and just before I went to set him down, I suddenly felt a sensation like someone had dumped an entire glass of warm water down my back. The tips of my hair got wet, it trickled down my back, wet through my tshirt and bra, and KEPT GOING.

Ya’ll… that wasn’t water.

It was, instead, the most epic projectile barf my son has EVER produced and not only had it gotten my entire back wet, it was trickling down my rear seat and into my underpants. 

Yes. It was.

Now, in case you have not had the absolute joy of warm barf rolling down your back into your ass crack, let me share with you… it is not a pleasant experience!  I could not get clean fast enough.  I immediately stripped, put the child in his crib (Addie was happily occupied in her jumper), and took an impromptu steaming hot shower.  A lot of scrubbing later, I got out of the shower and went to pick up my by-then-irate-child, who was screaming in fury that I had dared put him down- as if he wasn’t the reason the shower was necessary in the first place!

Got him settled down and all was well… until he barfed on my front. 

And the kicker is that, as we were sitting there, me needing to change my shirt for the second time this morning, I finally remembered what it was I had been going into the nursery for in the first place.

A burp cloth.

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5 responses to “Funny-Gross

  1. pepibebe says:

    Brilliant post. Drama and suspense filled and boasting a perfectly poetic ending 🙂

  2. Olive says:

    That is seriously, amazingly gross.

  3. allisonlee says:

    lol.
    Our son spat up ALL the time.

  4. meridith says:

    I am laughing so hard but totally with you (i.e. last week’s vomit between the toes) and not at you. Ugh! Children! 😉

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