lezbemoms

Raising a Blended Family

Pregnancy at 32.6 weeks- a retrospective/introspective

on August 8, 2012

So I’ve been doing a lot of keeping up with in-the-moment stuff, but not very much reflecting on how this pregnancy has felt, what I am feeling, etc etc.  And I think I should take a moment to write it all down, since I’m pretty sure this is the stuff I’ll want to remember and also since mine and Shorty’s plans for a next child are very much up in the air.

So, how I’m feeling right now:

Pretty mild.  I think I’m finally at a junction where I really can see the light at the end of the tunnel for this pregnancy, and while I realize that we still have 7 weeks to go and that’s not a short amount of time, it’s not an incredibly long amount of time either! In seven short weeks our lives are going to change, irreversibly and irrevocably with the addition of this new little person into our family.  We will no longer be a family of three but a permanent family of four, and I’d be lying if I said there weren’t moments where that’s a little scary to me- not scary as in, I feel like I can’t do it, but scary as in it’s a big change to prepare for and a lot to take in.  I don’t know that it will be fully real that he’s coming until he’s actually here- even now, as I sit here typing this with my son kicking in my belly.  That being admitted, I also cannot wait for him to be here. I can’t wait to meet him, to see him, to know him and to see who he becomes.   I can’t wait to see Thing One be a big sister and Shorty be a second-time mama and myself be a first-time mommy to a newborn.  I’m looking forward, already, to future family-of-four outings to the park or the zoo, to Christmases with two kids and family pictures with four family members instead of three.  This baby is already so loved and I am so excited for him to finally get here.

Speaking of him getting here: how am I feeling about going through labor?

In a word, I’m excited for it to be here. I know that’s a little crazy- being excited about something that’s going to cause me so much pain.  But I really am- I’m excited to find out how my body copes with labor, excited to have Shorty there as part of our two-woman team, and excited to have this life experience.  I know it’s going to hurt but I think (hopefully not naively!) that I am capable of coping and dealing with it.  I’m a little anxious about what will happen if I decide I can’t deal with it, and if we have to transfer to a hospital due to me not being able to cope.  I’m working on visualizing those scenarios though, not to make them inevitable and sabotage our planned home birth but so that if they do happen, it’s not something wild and unexpected but just another possible path in labor that I have thought through beforehand.  I do better when I feel like things have been planned for.  I’ve also been reading Ina May’s guide to labor and though it doesn’t have a lot of technical details in terms of positions and techniques to try, I think it’s helping me to feel more calm and self-confident about this whole process.  Ina is so positive about women’s ability to do this, to labor successfully on our own and to deliver our babies into the world, that every time I read it I feel a boost in my own positive feelings about labor.  I really hope I can keep the positivity up- I think belief in myself and my own ability will go a long way towards helping baby boy come into this world.

There are some things I have concerns about- going overdue, for one, and having to get an induction.  Being naked in front of the midwives during labor (I know this is probably not something I will care about when it happens). The birth pool falling through our floor (highly unlikely, I know, but believe it or not this has got me worried!).  I am working on dealing with these concerns so that they won’t be concerns while I’m in labor, partly by talking things through with my ever-supportive wife (who has somehow managed to NOT roll her eyes every time I mention the pool/floor thing) and partly through talking with the midwives at our upcoming appointment about everything else. I’m getting there!

What has been my favorite part of pregnancy so far:

I love love love feeling baby boy kick. And I love love love even more when Shorty and I are snuggled together in the wee hours of the night or morning and he kicks Shorty and wakes us both up, and we just lie there quietly awake while he finishes his kicking spree, until we all doze off again.  I will definitely miss those moments I think, although having a real live peacefully sleeping baby (knock on wood) to lay there and snuggle with will be a darn good substitute, methinks!
I also love my bump. This one sounds kind of silly I think but it took so long (or it felt like it did) to get a proper not-fat-but-pregnant bump, that now that it’s here I love showing it off to the world. 🙂  It’s my visible proof of pregnancy and I like seeing other women’s pregnant bumps and feeling a kind of kinship with them, like we’re all in this together.

Finally- and this one is DEFINITELY silly- but being pregnant has brought with it this strange fascination towards my own belly button! Ha! I feel like a one year old who’s just discovering it… it is half-innie half-outie at the moment and playing with it and making it “pop” has become one of my favorite absent-minded pasttimes… I do it alllll the time, even when I don’t realize it! I’m wondering if it will end up popping all the way out or if it’s going to stay like this. Either way it’s one of the smaller joys of pregnancy that I have found!
Other small parts that I like:

-oggling over new baby clothes, and toys, and teeny tiny socks

-the anticipation (even if the waiting itself is killing me!)

-getting the nursery ready. So fun! I’ll post pictures when it’s all done.

What I haven’t like about pregnancy so far:
Honestly, I feel like I’ve had it pretty easy. No morning sickness, mild heartburn, not a ton of complaints and I’m fully aware that the complaints I do have are just par for the course.  So I try not to complain about them too much.

But, to answer the question, notsofun things: my back has been hurting a lot more lately, and that has been not-so-fun.  It’s impossible to find a comfortable position to fall asleep in, so most nights I end up tossing and turning until my body just gives up and falls asleep in whatever uncomfortable position I happen to be in at the time.  Bending down is my worst nightmare right now- and since I’ve become so klutzy since being pregnant, it seems like I have to bend over a lot more than usual… not a good combination.  Finally, it’s really, really hard to get up from any position- sitting, lying, reclining- and generally requires a lot of effort, some huffing, and more than one false start.

A non-physical complaint that I do have are the constant questions about “how are you feeling?” This question bugs me to no end.  It’s not that I don’t appreciate the asker asking, it’s just that I never know what to say! “Fine, really, except that I feel like I have a 15 pound bowling ball attached to my front side at all times. You?”  For some reason, I have a feeling this isn’t quite what the asker is looking for, and since I don’t feel like going into details about how my pubic bone hurts when I walk or get up (add that to my list of physical complaints) or how I’m still trying to catch my breath from five minutes ago when I had to bend down to get something I dropped so could you give me a minute to answer please, I just don’t know what to say.  I usually end up with some variation of noncommittal “Eh, you know how it goes.  It’s pregnancy. How are you?” and leave it at that. But really, I’d be happy just skipping that question all together.

But again, these are all par for the course, and even though they are things that make life slightly more difficult, I’ll take them!  Overall, I love being pregnant and based off of this experience would do it again in a heartbeat (depending on what Shorty and I decide, of course!).

 

**********

I’ve got some upcoming posts about the process of starting our second parent adoption (holycrap!) and our nursery post once it’s finished, and of course a bumpdate tomorrow… let me know though if there are any topics I haven’t covered at all during this pregnancy that you’re curious about.  🙂

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3 responses to “Pregnancy at 32.6 weeks- a retrospective/introspective

  1. allison-lee says:

    Glad to hear that things are going well. Seven weeks does not seem like a long time at all!
    Hope the second parent adoption process goes smoothly (I hate that you have to do it at all) and I can’t wait to see nursery photos!

  2. C Storm says:

    I focused really hard on Ina May’s sphincter rule (about keeping the mouth relaxed so the vagina is, too) during my second labor, I even talked about the rule during contractions, and it helped a LOT. I also went into labor as ‘me’ as possible…I had my doc martens and my superman tee on and some thumping, loud Metallica and Ozzy playing and I went in with a kick-ass, ‘it’s a good day to die’ kind of attitude and I was loud and ornery and it was a great labor, just great. What I didn’t know was that labor can go too fast, too, and I ended up in shock, as did our daughter, because things progressed so precipitously. But I will never forget swimming back up out of shock to find my wife and our daughter sitting nearby, loving me.

  3. X says:

    Glad you’re taking time to get it all down – it goes so fast ! Visualization definitely helped me. I agree, you probably won’t be worried about nudity or much of anything else when the time comes.

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