lezbemoms

Raising a Blended Family

Not Pregnant.

on November 2, 2011

Well, the title states the obvious.  I’m not pregnant. No, no AF to confirm, but a whole lot of one-liners staring me in the face and (TMI) gross, nasty, brownish STUFF (like my body is trying to have its period and not quite getting there) going on for the past week.

Although I knew going in that this cycle was a shot in the dark, and that it was really only something to do while we wait for my insurance to kick in so I can head to the ObGyn, it’s still hard to face the fact that I’m not pregnant.  It’s not hard because I’m not pregnant (it was only our first cycle, we can always try again), but rather because me being not pregnant reinforces and aggravates my pre-existing fears that something is wrong with me…  I am worried that something is wrong with my fertility.  Does that make sense?  I was hoping that this cycle would magically be the end of the 60 day cycles going on.  I was hoping that the Ugly Brown Stuff would not rear its head this time around.  At the very least, I was hoping for a nice, normal period at the end of our TWW.  And although we admittedly have two more days left before the TWW is over, AF shows no signs of rearing her ugly (welcome) head, and the Ugly Brown Stuff has been hangin’ out for a week now.  We also only got a faint positive OPK, and never a smiley face.  Sooo….  Maybe (probably) I’ve not been ovulating?  Maybe I have a polyp.  Maybe I have PCOS, or cancer.  What if I’m completely infertile?  What if drugs can’t fix it?

I’m 25.  This should be the peak of my fertility… and yet, I am so so so so sure that there is something wrong going on down there.  We have a month to wait for my insurance to kick in, and I have a feeling this month is going to feel even longer than the TWW has felt.  It’s just so hard not to know.

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12 responses to “Not Pregnant.

  1. Sorry to hear that it didn’t work out this time, but try not to jump to the worst conclusions. It make just take a couple of tries. Hopefully once your insurance kicks in you’ll be able to do some screening tests and set your mind at ease. All the best.

  2. Nina says:

    Ugh it can be so frustrating waiting for the insurance, medical staff, tests and medication to be available for you. It will happen. And please stop thinking the worse, remember that straight and reproductively healthy couples take 6-12 months to be able to conceive.

  3. Nina says:

    Also very sorry to hear about the try not working it still is hard to accept as we put so much energy, heart, time, excitement, love and money into it.

  4. X says:

    What day are you on – it still seems early to me to test positive, though I totally understand brown stuff = discouraging. Continued luck and positive vibes for this and all future cycles….

  5. I’m sorry to hear this. Try not to freak out too much about the unknown (I know, it’s hard). Thinking of you! xoxo

  6. A :) says:

    Sorry 😦 I hope having insurance and being able to speak with a Dr. can reassure you.

  7. prettyisa says:

    Sorry about not pregnant. 😦 Hopefully the doctor will be able to check things out and help you feel more confident that nothing is wrong (or in the unlikely chance that something is, find a good solution!)

  8. mummylass says:

    Woah, there is really no reason to suggest anything is wrong. Many women can take up to a year to conceive. Even if sperm meets egg, there are many things that can go wrong before a viable pregnancy is achieved.
    This isn’t sounding too positive….. but it is meant to be. In all honesty it taking a few months is totally NORMAL!

  9. So very sorry, sweets. xoxoxoxo

  10. Shit…messed up my own new blog address. Sheesh.

    FreshStartAroundEveryCorner.wordpress.com

  11. For what it’s worth, I will join you in TMI-land and say that I am no stranger to the Ugly Brown Stuff. In my case, I think it was largely related to a couple of benign uterine polyps. This might not be precisely what you want to hear, but two things: 1) Once diagnosed with an ultrasound, the polyps were easy to remove. My OB/GYN does it as an office procedure, even. Since they’ve been removed I’ve had a lot less of the spotting issues. 2) I have been assured that even if you do have polyps, it’s entirely possible to get pregnant anyway. So since you aren’t working with a limited quantity of sperm, and aren’t paying an arm and a leg for it (right? Or did I miss something?), you might as well try again while you’re waiting for the insurance to kick in.

    Also, I don’t know what kind of acupuncture/naturopathic care is available in your area, but it might be worth looking into. Depending on the insurance policy, it may or may not cover that kind of thing anyway (which is a little annoying in and of itself, but…), so you might not be any worse off talking to someone sooner rather than later. That sort of thing doesn’t float everyone’s boat, and if it doesn’t float yours, that’s totally fine. But we have a great acupuncturist/naturopath (Dr. Awesome) who really helped us get PB’s cycles in line (and they were pretty seriously wacky, too), and helped us conceive Critter. And the sort of things a naturopath is likely to suggest will likely only help your fertility in general, even if you do end up having polyps that need to be removed (or something else similar). Plus, it’s something that you can do right now, and at least for me, being able to do *something* feels better than just waiting. Anyway, just a thought.

    Also: *hugs*. I’m sorry.

  12. candice says:

    its hard, for sure. I think the same thing, if there is something wrong with me. some of us it just takes a bit of time.. like me, and I am still trying, just try to be positive about it. good luck on the next cycle!

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