Raising a Blended Family

And now… for a post with substance.

on September 10, 2011

Well, I figured it’s about time for me to get around to answering the question of the week over at the Regular Midwesterners blog.  This should be a nice change for all of you reading from my typical posts lately about the EMT and PhD transition. 🙂

This week, the question was:

Do you think of yourself as a “mother”? A “father”? Something in between? Why?

At first, I thought I had this question cut and dry.  I’m a mommy. Duh.  And in some ways, I think that first response I had is mostly accurate, with only a little blurring of the mommy/daddy line.  When you think of oh-so-stereotypical “mommy” things- they clean, they get the kid ready and pack lunches, they check over homework, they do laundry, etc (don’t blast me- I SAID stereotypical, and yes I’m fully aware that dads can do these things too!)-  well, I do a lot of those things.  Shorty may occasionally help with getting T1 ready for school and I make her do the after-dinner dishes as often as I can ;), but in general, the tasks mentioned above are mine to carry out.  Minus the homework- Shorty usually takes that over too.

Also, when I think about the things a typical (again STEREOTYPICAL) father does- play sports, roughhousing, in charge of discipline, etc- I would say that these tasks mostly fall into Shorty’s domain, with one notable exception.  In this house I am the discipliner and Shorty is the easy-going one.  But everything else is generally true.

 So- I guess think of myself as a mommy, with some father-like traits.  The thing I think is important though, is that just because I think of myself as mommy, Shorty is not automatically relegated to father-land.  Although in this case it just so happens that she seems to fit into father-land (and I admit to jokingly calling her my “wifeband”), we also blur the lines between the two in our sharing of typically-gendered tasks (like discipline and homework helping).  There have been many times either Shorty or I have been asked, “So which one of you is the mom and which one is the dad in the relationship?”- as if there has to be that binary distinction, as if me declaring myself “Mom” means the only possible option left for Shorty is “dad.”  That’s just not true- and that’s the beauty of being in a same-sex relationship, as we are free to play out our own gender roles and assign parenting tasks as we see fit, and not necessarily in coordination with our genders.


2 responses to “And now… for a post with substance.

  1. Josh says:

    I’m catching up on all things blog-related and was excited to read your response to the latest question. Thanks for playing along again. I like the concept of a mommy with father-like traits.

  2. […] Gretchen The Middle of Everything Lezbemoms Love Invented Us First Time Second Time .breaking into […]

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