lezbemoms

Raising a Blended Family

You’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no…

on May 17, 2011

Well… I think we’re slowly starting to accept around here that things this cycle are just not going to work out.  Don’t worry, Shorty’s uterus, it’s not you, it’s me.  Oh wait no… actually, it is you. Stringing us along and then not willing to put out.  Bastard.

Yesterday was a continuation of the negative OPK dance.  We actually ran out of OPKs (which is crazy because we had a TON), so I had to hop on Amazon really quick and order some cheapies to be delivered today.  Shorty is still testing today, but (TMI) since all her CM is gone, we aren’t expecting anything.  It’s like someone took all her fertility signs and scrambled them, and then handed them back for us to interpret.  Negative signs: The lack of CM (there was a lot last week though), and the lack of a positive OPK.  Possible hopeful signs: Open cervix, low temps.  We don’t know what any of this means, but we do know we have a choice: We can either send the sperm back today, or we can keep the dewar a few more days, not send it back, and “shoot” blindly if in a few days we still haven’t gotten a positive. But we can’t do both, for financial reasons.

We’re leaning towards sending it back because both of us feel like shooting blindly would just be a waste, just as much waste as, say, throwing the vial in the trash. No? At least if we send it back we can have it stored for the next cycle we try (after the wedding).  It breaks my heart to do it but I really think it might be our best remaining option. Sigh.

You’ll hear from me if either of the OPKs are positive today.

Oh and also, so as not to leave you with zero hope… Shorty said she was having some slight cramping yesterday.  She was attributing it to her period until I pointed out that even without delayed ovulation, her period is still 10 days away.  She saw the hopeful gleam in my eye and tried to squash it but it was too late… I have to admit I’m a teensy bit hopeful now, that the cramping was either a pregnancy sign or an indicator of forthcoming ovulation.  Shorty doesn’t think so but I’m not willing to give up yet (can you tell yet that I’m the optimist and she’s the pessimist [she would say realist] in our relationship?). So, as always, we shall see.

PS- input, as always, is welcome.  We are very very torn about this decision, and we obviously lack perspective.  We’ve appreciated your comments so far and if anyone has anymore perspective they’d like to share, we’d love to hear it!

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One response to “You’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no…

  1. zunzunbobo says:

    oh man. i’m sorry this has been so treacherous for you. for what it’s worth, a learning ‘hail mary’ cycle is still a try. in retrospect, there was no way our first try was gonna work, but we learned shitloads from it. i just had to accept that we weren’t going to be one of those couples that gets it the first try (i know, how arrogant, but we all want that, don’t we?).

    if i were in your position, realistically i’d have a hard time sending that dewar back with spermies still in it. but from outside the situation, that looks most advisable. if all your other symptoms are gone, the OPK doesn’t mean much. sperm is too expensive.

    whatever you do, i’m casting my rays of hope for your hail mary and hoping that it’s less stressful from here. (or, you know, different stressful ;))

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