lezbemoms

Raising a Blended Family

CD17 and waiting.

on May 16, 2011

Still no smiley.  I have to admit that the general atmosphere around here is down.  sad.  We just don’t understand what is going on with Shorty’s usually picture-perfect cycles, and it’s upsetting. I guess we’re keeping the Dewar another day at least though, still chasing the smiley.

Personally, I’m trying to remember the good things.

1) We’ve learned a lot.  Things such as “how to order sperm,” plus “order the dewar delivery and pick up with a few days to spare after your expected ovulation date” and “don’t just test exclusively with smiley sticks, use lined ones too” (although soon we’ll be using the fertility monitor so it won’t matter as much)- these concepts seem extremely obvious now, but before this they weren’t.  So if nothing else, this has been a fairly expensive “test” cycle. Oh yeah and we actually did an insemination- that in and of itself is a learning process.

2) Dis.neyl.and.  Shorty and I are heading to the Happie.st Pla.ce on Ear.th two days after our wedding for a mini-moon.  If Shorty is pregnant, that’s fine and we’ll take it slow.  If not, she can rock out on the Califor.nia Screa.min’ rollercoaster with me. So it’s really win-win.

Ummmm that’s all the positives I can think of right now.  Mostly I’m just wishing that we could at least be IN a TWW… positive or negative at the end of it, I’d like to at least be TWWing.  That’s the hardest part about this: having the sperm sitting there and ready for use, having it actually be possible to be in a TWW (when all other times, the general lack of sperm around here makes that impossible)… and yet having it sit there, unused… it’s killing me.  And I know it’s killing her too.  The funny thing is, technically we are in a TWW from the first insem we did… but we both feel it was too early, no egg.  We’re not even trying to fool ourselves with that one.

So here we sit… waiting on a positive. Still.  We’ve talked about it, and I don’t know when the cutoff is going to be for “waiting.”  As of tomorrow, we start paying $15 extra a day to keep the dewar.  Her temps are still low, so we thought that maybe we’d just keep it until they spike, positive OPK or no… but what if they never spike? Do we just keep the damn thing until AF unceremoniously arrives to confirm for us that this cycle sucked?  Sigh.

This is hard, guys. And the hardest part is the feeling of being blindsided.  We were not expecting this cycle to be this hard.  A BFN was always a possibility, but that I could handle much better than this. Much, much better.  Sigh.

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4 responses to “CD17 and waiting.

  1. Liz says:

    Ugh! How fustrating! Hopefully you were wrong and your first insem was the one!

  2. Hope says:

    Ditto what Liz said! Still hoping. Sorry it’s been so frustrating after all of your monitoring.

  3. welcome to ttc hell 😉 perfectly regular cycles have a way of SNAFU’ing once you’ve paid for mad-crazy-expensive sperm and are peeing on sticks.

    my $0.02 is to turn your attention the other way, whistling and saying “im not paying attention to you” (like you would do for a misbehaving child) until that egg comes out of hiding, looking for your attention.

    good luck! 🙂

  4. X says:

    Agree with anofferingoflove! Turn the attention away! AWAY! I’m glad you can see the silver lining of the learning experience… but I am hopeful this will be more than that!

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