lezbemoms

Raising a Blended Family

Update on the Ph.D.

on May 6, 2011

Well, it’s been awhile since I wrote that post about whether or not to continue with my Ph.D. or not.  Since then, I have done a lot of thinking, rationalizing, and frankly- soul searching.

The “answer” I have come up with… well, I say “answer” in quotation marks because it’s not really an answer, and actually brings up even more questions…  but the “answer” to the continue-Phd-or-not question… is not.  I am not happy here.  I am, in fact, profoundly unhappy here- an unhappiness that goes beyond normal graduate-schoole drudgery and comes only when you are involved in something you truly aren’t interested in.  That’s me.  I love my home life right now- love Shorty and T1 and our plans for the baby and wedding… but career-wise? I’m about as miserable as they come.

But Amazon, you say, you’ve always loved diseases and been interested in viruses and such. Okay fine, you might not say that because you don’t know me well enough, but those who have known me for some time know plenty about my interest in diseases. and to them I would reply, oh sure, I like diseases. I like learning about them, topically– symptoms and where in the world they’re found and what causes them.  But researching them? Studying their cellular mechanisms?  Living in a lab?  Someday having my own lab to run??? No.  That’s not for me… it’s not what I want.

So today, I decided to get out of here. For good. Permanently.  Don’t worry, I haven’t done anything (too) rash… yet.  But I did decide that I don’t want to stick around here for another 5 or possibly 7 months, waiting to take my qualifying exams to get a masters.  My rationale for this is that mostly, I am miserable now, and it is getting to a breaking point… something needs to happen and it can’t wait that long.  Also, I don’t want to stick around waiting to get a masters that I don’t need and take a test/do a lot of hard work for an ordeal I will probably fail anyways.  So I applied for two jobs today.  One was a vet tech position and the other, a medical receptionist.  Neither one are my dream career, but that’s not what I’m looking for right now. That’s not what my next step is.  The point is, once I have a job, I can get OUT of here.  OUT, I say.

Here is my master plan (and yes, I finally have a plan again, and it feels good):

Step one, get out of Ph.D. program- find a full time job with something you like but nothing careerish, and work to support your family while taking time (a year,ish) off school to regroup.  Check- I’m working on it.

Step two, believe it or not, involves applying to the nursing program at my school.  Nursing is basically my perfect alternative- I’ve always been more interested in the clinical side of diseases (symptoms, etc), and I get along much better with people than pipettes.  Plus, idk… I’ve been thinking it might be cool to get into peds nursing or neonatal? Maybe work in a women’s clinic?  I’m getting ahead of myself but the point is, nursing gives me options that are within my range of interests.  Plus, they have an accelerated degree option (at the same school I’m at now) for people like me who already have first degrees.  The program is 20 months, and then you are eligible to apply for your RN license, and from there, you can get a job.  How’s that for a career path?  So in addition to the two jobs I applied for today, I also emailed the academic advisor for nursing at my school, with questions such as when I should apply, could we meet, what prereq’s I’ve met, etc. I was a bit hesitant to do this, seeing as how my boss has no. idea. that I want out, and I was afraid he might here through the grapevine or something, but… oh well. There’s no other way to get the information I need.

We’ll see what she says but right now, it just feels good to have actually taken tangible steps towards getting myself on a path I actually want to be on… if that makes any sense.  So there’s your update…. meanwhile, I hope all of your ICI’s and IUI’s and TWW’s and parenting and whatever else you’ve got going on are going well!!! Happy friday.

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4 responses to “Update on the Ph.D.

  1. isa says:

    Congrats on making the decision–it’s such a big one! But it sounds like it’s right for you–and nursing sounds perfect! I’ve always been interested in diseases in that way, too (Dark Remedy is one of my favorite books) but couldn’t possibly pay attention to the chemistry of them. I hope the news from the nursing program is good!

  2. Hope says:

    Lol, you’d be surprised at how many of the lesbian bloggers around here are nurses too! Must be something in the water. Good luck!!! 😀

  3. fishina says:

    Good for you for knowing yourself so well AND listening to yourself to boot. Nursing sounds like a great alternative option. Good luck!

  4. lesboparentstobe says:

    Congrats! Quitting is a wonderful thing. And nursing sounds like a great fit for you. Go for it!

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