Raising a Blended Family

Things they are a-happening….

on March 23, 2011

Whew!!! It’s been a whirlwind around here lately, TTC-wise.  First off, let me say that I am (along with the rest of you) IMMENSLEY relieved for Linus making it through and having a successful surgery… so glad for him and them.  Crazy how this blogging community connects us all into one big loving ball of hope and positive energy when someone needs it, isn’t it? Love it, and very glad Linus is okay for now.

So, at home on our own TTC front… lots of things going on, some good and some not-so-good.

On the not-so-good front, my work is not going well. At all.  I think I mentioned that I have qualifying exams coming up for my Ph.D. candidacy… well, they’re coming up fast and not only am I not ready, not only do I not have a supportive boss, but I’m also not really sure I want to be in this program anymore and have been considering switching to a different one.  Of course it’s all still up in the air (will I pass my quals? won’t I? what then?) and I can’t exactly waltz up to my boss to discuss ditching him (but hey, thanks for the funding I took from you for these last 12 months, boss!), so in general it’s all adding up to lots of stress.  While I do know that eventually everything will settle back down again (by this time next year, everything should be fine again), and I’ll end up where I’m meant to be, all this kind of shakes up the getting-me-pregnant plan in the meantime.  We were shooting for June, but with quals not until August at the earliest and possibly delayed until November, and possibly not at all depending on my program choices, it just doesn’t seem like a particularly stable or good time for me to be getting pregnant. Sadly.

The upswing of all this is that, well, we’re a lesbian couple. And we have two uteruses. And we’re both pretty damn determined to have this baby… so we’ve decided to use C’s womb for this go-round.  There are many, many pluses to this plan.  She has a stable job and health insurance (5 years and counting), paid maternity leave, and most importantly, a willing and available womb!  Things may be crazy for me right now but C is steady as a rock.  And I know that by the time the baby arrives, things will have settled down for me, we can enjoy the first year of Thing Two’s life, and then start working our way back to getting me pregnant again.  Yes, it’s an adjustment- going from preparing my own body for pregnancy to preparing C’s, and preparing myself now to be the nonbio mom… but, well… I don’t know. I’m okay with it, honestly.  Relieved, even, to not have to stress about how my choices will affect our ability to TTC this year- as long as I have a steady income (and I will, none of my choices involve unemployment!), we’re good. C can get pregnant, I’ll get my quals (and perhaps program change?) behind me, baby will be born, and all will be good.  Also, I should note, we were always planning on having two more… so she does one, I do one. Sounds fair to me (and she agrees, luckily). 😉

Anyways, so that’s the big shake up around here. You are now reading an other mother blog. 🙂 I honestly just can’t wait until we have sperm-in-hand, ready to take the plunge (or push in the plunger, you know, whatever) and get ‘er done knocked up.  I want this baby for our family, and I don’t care whose uterus it comes out of.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go remind my love to take her horse pill vitamin.


***I’m also going to admit that for some reason, it scares the crap out of me to post this.  I guess I haven’t read too many how-we-picked-who-was-having-the-baby stories (none, actually), and I’m guessing this is because it’s a pretty personal decision for each couple.  So I have no idea if this kind of switch is “normal” or not, and I guess I’m just nervous ya’ll will think we’re crazy or something! Which, in retrospect, we very well may be. 😉


9 responses to “Things they are a-happening….

  1. zunzunbobo says:

    i’m not ready (yet) for my quals. i will do a big ol’ all the shitty things about my quarter blog post this weekend — look forward! ha. but i will say, in my limited experience, EVERYONE feels unsure of/hates their project and/or program in the pre-quals months (and everyone feels not ready). what would you have to do to change programs?? i’ve started filling out transfer applications twice in my three years, but it always seems not-worth-it in the end. i don’t know what your process would look like, though. i don’t envy that line of decisions!

    • lezbemoms says:

      See, there’s the thing, I’m not even sure what would be involved. It would be a switch from a Ph.D. to an MPH which is a pretty big jump, both program-wise and position-wise: going from a paid stipend position to taking out loans again (ugh) and working. I could apply for the Ph.D. in public health but right now, I feel like I’ve had just enough of Ph.D. programs. I definitely need to get in contact with the program director and ask him a bunch of questions, but I’m also sort-of afraid it will get back to my boss before I’m ready for it to, since it’s at the same school and same area.

      Looking forward to your blog post though- we can compare notes on our semesters/quarters, ha! 😉

  2. X says:

    I wrote briefly about our experience here: https://doorsareopening.wordpress.com/2011/02/27/enough-ranting-for-now-how-we-decided/

    … and while we decided to wait a little longer because of my hormone imbalance and my deep desire to be pregnant, we have already discussed that if things don’t work out for me, we are going to utilize the two-uteri method of conception. That being said, I am not sure how easy (or hard) it will be if/when that time comes and I’m glad that you are seeing the positives in switching it up!

  3. I think that is amazing! Our decision was really easy. I long to be pregnant/give birth and Nicki does not. I can’t say that it won’t change down the road and if she wants to have #2 I am all for it! And if for some reason I can’t have #1, well, I’m sure she would do that too 🙂 I love all the ways this community can make our families – it’s so cool!

    • lezbemoms says:

      Yep that was pretty much our logic too. I do really want to be pregnant, badly, but… I can wait a year for things to settle down. And a year of waiting for myself to be pregnant will go by so much faster with C pregnant with Thing Two. Might as well make some progress on getting to things two and three while I wait for my work to calm down!

  4. Pomegranate says:

    I’ve posted a bit about this, most recently as a bullet about halfway down in this post. It’s tough. The decision wasn’t as hard for as as the emotional baggage surrounding it. The responses to the original post are a good read for how different couples have dealt with things.

    • lezbemoms says:

      thank you! I had read that post before I became The Other Mother, and totally forgotten about it afterwards. All the comments and discussion are, indeed, helpful!

  5. […] all know that we decided to have her carry T2 instead of me. Before that decision was made, we had picked out two names, one for a boy and one for a girl, that […]

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