lezbemoms

Raising a Blended Family

Sticker shock

So we’ve been doing a little more of the logistical planning, trying to figure out baby and $$$ and how much sperm we would need.

Here’s what I’ve got calculated, for the sperm bank we want to use:

For one vial plus shipping: $419

For two vials plus shipping: $669

For three vials plus shipping: $919.

…. damn!!! I need one of those emoticons with the eyeballs popping out of its head. We’re potentially talking close to a grand, for ONE CYCLE! one cycle! I’m definitely in sticker shock mode at the moment…
I knew it was expensive, I’ve even looked at the prices before.  But I obviously didn’t think this completely through all the way (until now).  I know ideal conditions would be to insem at 18hr, 36hr, and 48hr post- positive OPK. I also know that people have done it with just one vial.  I think for now we’re going to plan for one vial and buy more if possible when the time comes… keeping in mind that the month we want to inseminate (August) is right after our wedding and right before our honeymoon.  So money might be a little tight.

Sigh. I’m starting to get discouraged and we haven’t even begun yet! This is definitely one of those moments I wish we were a heterosexual couple and we could just get it on.

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Post-Dr.’s Appointment

Well, this morning I had my Dr.’s appointment for my annual Pap smear, insulin levels check, and general pregnancy questions… except notsomuch with the insulin levels, since I ate breakfast this morning and nobody told me you have to fast beforehand apparently, I should have known to fast beforehand, said the nurse practitioner. Well damn. I knew those rice kris.pies were a bad idea.  So I’m going back in tomorrow to get bloodwork done for that.

In the meantime, the lady asked me lots of questions about getting pregnant but didn’t generally seem helpful, or approving. But maybe she was.  Maybe I was projecting, feeling like she was uncomfortable when in reality I was the one uncomfortable, because I was, you know, sitting there with all the protection of a paper sheet between my naked body and this slightly hostile woman. Sure, it’s a possibility- but I don’t think so. You know how when you’re talking to someone and they find out you’re gay, and you can immediately tell if they’re comfortable or not? Yeah, it was that intuitive feeling I was getting from her, that she was NOT comfortable. Sigh. Oh well.

She did ask about the “donor.” I told her we were using Northwest sperm bank.  She nodded as I rattled off our list of reasons to wait to pick a donor (wanting to make sure he’s still “in stock” when we do go to get pregnant being the main one). She told me I should start taking folic acid (“This early?” I asked. “Why not?” she said.).

I asked her what size duck lips speculum to buy from Amazon. And for a referral to the OB when the time comes (I don’t plan on going back there until I’m pregnant, except for the insulin stuff.).

Overall, it went well. We’ll wait to see what the insulin tests say but in general she said I’m in good health. Yay.

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Fambly Valentine’s Day…

I got home and this is what was waiting for me:

I love my fiance and kid. =) The plan was to not do anything for Vday because we’re gifting ourselves with a ski trip this weekend instead, and with the wedding to save for, well… We even had a nice chat about neither of us being “sneaky” and going behind the other’s back and getting each other vday stuff… and then we both did. =) She thought I hadn’t gotten her anything, I thought she hadn’t gotten me anything, and… yeah. I know. We’re sickening. But it’s nice to be in love, and nice to be loved back.

In other news, my doctor’s appointment for tomorrow got pushed back to Wednesday because the scheduler messed up. Sad panda. I know it’s not a super important doctor’s appointment or anything, just a pap smear… but I have QUESTIONS damn it! That, and I guess I’ve been looking forward to talking to a doctor about our plans… it’ll make it feel more real, perhaps? It’ll be good to have medical approval? I don’t know. But Wednesday it is!

Anyways, off to watch more L word reruns. Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

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Is it ridiculous…

Is it ridiculous that we already have our baby’s name picked out, when TT isn’t even conceived yet? Well, we do… sort of.  We’ve been throwing names around for awhile now, mostly I think to stay connected to the process of actually having this kid even though we’re forced to wait in order to do so.  So anyways, one day we’re driving to the store and out of the blue, C says… what about _______ for a girl (thought you were gonna get a preview, didn’tcha? NOPE!)? And it was perfect. PERFECT. First and middle. And of course, we’re both in love with the name, but insisting we’ll keep our minds open in anything better comes along… but it won’t. I can pretty much guarantee you it won’t.  The name just feels right. It’s TT- if she’s a girl. And if she’s a he? Well, we’re covered there, too- we came up with that one in a phone conversation on my drive home from work one evening.  It just fits.  And so, we’ve got baby names… now we just need baby! Ha.

In other news, I have a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday (assuming AF goes away on time). I’m going in for my annual that really is like every-three-years because I don’t like strange doctors poking around down there, and then I’m also going to get checked for signs of diabetes or insulin resistance, which runs in my family.  I’ve been meaning to get it done for awhile now, but now that we’re getting ready to make TT, I want to make sure I’m in the clear, health-wise.  I’m actually looking forward to it- I have a million questions to ask the doctor (who has no idea what’s coming!), including a referral to a good OB and what size speculum I should order from Ama.zon.com! =)  I think C might come with, too- needless to say, we’re both very invested in making sure I am healthy as can be so that we can hopefully minimize any complications with trying to get pregnant. Fingers crossed.

Anyways, I also wanted to share a screaming-baby child story.  I know many of you are in the screaming-baby phase, and so I thought maybe you could relate to the whole kid-melt-down-in-a-public-place, even if the kid I am talking about is 5 and most of yours are much younger. =)  So anyways, of course the kid I am referring to is our Thing One, and the place I am referring to is… my work! Ta-Da!!! I’ve taken to taking TO into work (lab) with me on the weekends, when I occasionally have to run in to do a quick experiment and C is at work.  So today was one of those days, and even though TO brought an abundance of toys with her, she somehow still managed to get bored (poor thing. I do feel bad for her, but it’s a necessary evil).  So we were in the lunch room across the hall from a bunch of labs, and I was pretty sure we were alone, so I wasn’t worrying too much about how much noise TO was making- letting her get some energy out, as it were.  However, eventually TO decided she was bored and frustrated at being bored, and she decided to express that frustration by hurling a toy across the room.  I promptly put her in time out… which triggered a melt down. And not just a melt down… a Melt. Down.  Five-year-old style, complete with kicks, tantrum, and LOUD LOUD lungs. I’m pretty sure the whole building campus could hear her- but keep in mind, I still thought we were alone, so I decided to let her cry it out. I sat her on the couch and told her we would talk when she was calm.  It took awhile- 10 minutes passed and she was still going strong (okay, she was at about 75%, but still. That missing 25% didn’t make too much of a difference). Then 15. We were nearing the 20 minute mark when the door across the hall opened up- a door to a lab that I had mistakenly thought was empty, and which had apparently contained people trying to go about their business whilst ignoring the banshee screaming right outside their door. I was so embarrassed!!! I mean, kids are kids and melt downs happen… but if I’d known there were people suffering along with me I would have been more proactive about tantrum-management, made her sit an empty room, SOMETHING… *hangs head*. Oh well. I do need to find that lady and apologize tomorrow to her… the good news is, I think she has kids of her own and will hopefully be understanding.  Hope hope hope.

That’s all for now, happy Vday tomorrow if you celebrate it and if I don’t manage to get on here tomorrow. TTFN.

-A

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Adoption frustration

By: C
So as you will learn if you keep reading this, A is the writer out of the two of us. It has taken me 5 minutes to just write this little bit. However, here we go anyways.
At the present time I guess I’m anxious and frustrated about the adoption part of having Thing 2. I hate the fact that we live in a backward ass country and that most places, including the state we live in, currently don’t recognize us as an engaged soon-to-be-married couple, let alone recognize the baby A will be carrying as mine.  Instead, we have to make plans to go through a lawyer and pay a ton of money for a second parent adoption, just so that I can say Thing 2 is mine and the world recognize that. With that being said, I will do what I have to do so that Thing 2 is legally mine, it just sucks that I have to jump through hoops and our country can’t get with the program and accept love for what it is- LOVE – and stop looking at the gender of the people involved.

-C
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Baby’s First Shopping Spree

So I’ve slowly begun gathering things to help with our journey towards conceiving.  Thing Two is clearly going to be a champion shopper, just like his/her mama!

First up, of course, are these:

I know we still have a ways to go before the cycle where we’ll actually be using these to determine when the best day is to insert the swimmers, but in the meantime I figure that using these, plus charting, will help us get a better idea of exactly when I am ovulating each month. Hopefully there will be a pattern predicted by my charts, and we can use the OPKs to confirm it (you like how I did that? Just casually threw in some more fertility lingo from TTC land? I’m learning!).

Next up, I saw this on a website:

They would’ve gotten me on cuteness factor alone (look at that face!), but the fact is, I’m a sucker for anything with quotes on it.  I love words, and quotes, and phrases, and the fact that this is a reference from the Bible when I am not a religious gal does nothing to dissuade me from wanting this onesie.  Plus, I think the quote is perfect, to symbolize the journey we’re on and the emotions that go into every step we take towards Thing Two- I just want to take this and put it somewhere we can see it every day to remind us of the reasons we’re on this journey and to have a positive attitude- especially when if we start getting into the land of negative pregnancy test results. So we’ll see- at $20 a pop plus shipping (not to mention my semi-promise to C not to buy baby clothes until we’re pregnant), I haven’t bought it yet… but I WANT it. So it may only be a matter of time.

The OPKs and adorable baby onesie  aside, I think the purchase I’m most excited about is this book:

I’ve been looking around for information for awhile now online, and it seems like there’s not a ton of it specifically relating to lesbians and conception.  Seriously, I think the most helpful resource I’ve found is everyone else’s blogs (for which I am EXTREMELY grateful!), but it’s left me with many many questions still and some I won’t even know I have until I read the answer in this book!  So I shopped around a bit to see what other lesbos were reading, and this book had quite a lot of people talking.  Plus, I read the reviews and it seems like the book is a helpful mix between a nitty-gritty how-to guide and more generalized advice about the path to conception.  In any case, I am excited and willing to try it, although don’t try buying this book off of A.mazon or eb.ay- it’s selling for about $100, riiiii-diculous, I thought.  I found it on Bor.ders for a decent price though, the only trade off is having to wait a few weeks for it to be delivered, since it’s backordered.  Sigh. More waiting.

In the meantime, anyone else found any good reads out there on lesbian pregancy/conception? Feel free to share, I love reading!

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Temping, Temping, More Temping…

Well, on to charting day two. Whoohoo! It feels so good to actually be doing something towards trying to conceive this baby- even if that “something” is just waking up at 5am, every morning, to grab a quick temp and then fall back asleep!

Speaking of which, I have a question for anyone out there that may A) be reading this, and B) have some experience charting. Is there such a thing as waking up too early to temp?  I know you’re supposed to get a solid 3-4 hours of sleep before you temp.  Check. I know you’re supposed to do it before you breathe move around at all. Check.  But, for instance, is it okay to wake up at 5 am, take your temp, and then go right back to sleep?

I’m asking because I’m getting low numbers (low 96’s) and I’m worried that later on down the road, I won’t be able to tell the difference between these lows and the low of my ovulation.  But I feel like I have to temp so early because C gets up that early for work, and so usually that wakes me up too because I have to shove her out of bed make sure she actually gets up (sound sleeper, folks. VERY sound sleeper).  So I’m usually up for about 15 minutes each morning at 5:15, and then I go back to bed until 7:30.  So whatcha think?  Is temping at 5:15 too early? Should I be temping at 7:30 when I actually wake up for good? Or does it not matter as long as I’m consistent?

I never thought I’d find myself so concerned with my temperature!  But if it brings us closer to conceiving Thing Two… I’ll take it.

In other, NON temperature-related news (bet you’re relieved to move on, aren’tcha?)- so Thing One has just started swimming lessons.  And she’s started these swimming lessons because we want to avoid her drowning in the lake like she almost did last summer accidents, plus it would just be nice for her to know how to swim- I’d be a lot more comfortable buying that above ground pool I’ve been wanting, for instance.  So she started swim lessons Monday, and last night was her second lesson. There’s only one other little girl in the class (Hannah, who’s “free!” (3), as she informed us, holding out three fingers on her hand), which makes for a nice small class size.  Better yet, Hannah’s mom just had a baby- and she brought her baby to class with her last night. She’s six weeks old. As we sat in the stands and watched the kids swim, I’m not gonna lie- that baby was taking up a whooooole lot of my attention. A whole lot.  She was so cute, and soft, and sweet, and so GOOD. She was alert the whole time, but we never heard her fuss… she just sat there on her mom’s lap, facing outwards, quietly taking in the world around her.  C and I were both pretty jealous- I wanted to hold her, but, you know, just because our kids are in swim class together does not entitle me to baby-holding rights. I know this. So I just sat and watched her, and thought about how nice it will be when that’s us, when we’re the ones sitting in the stands with our baby while Thing One does her thing.  And it was just a really nice mental picture.  Can’t wait for those days.

-A

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Update

Whoohoo!!! Let the charting begin!!! My period is officially here… and I am officially charting from now until eternity when we conceive.

See? My first little blue dot on my chart! Yesss!!!

PS don’t worry… I won’t show every single blue dot every single day… but I thought the first one, at least, was blogworthy. Surely I can’t be the only lesbian out there who’s ever gotten excited about starting to chart?

-A

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Waiting game

Speaking of motherhood… Thing One lost her first tooth last night! And I got to be the one yanking it out of her mouth and reassuring her that all the blood was normal honey, really, I promise, as C was working late and it was just Thing One and I in the house.  So now she’s our little front tooth gap-toothed girl, at least until adult tooth numero uno grows in.  Not looking forward to that, by the way- this kid is gonna need braces, BAD. Wallet, meet orthodontist.  Orthodontist, meet wallet.

Ah, joy.

So hopefully, this will not be the last First Tooth we encounter, but for that to happen, we need to have our next child, and for THAT to happen, my period needs to cooperate. Oh sorry- my cycle. That seems to be the preferred language on all the fertility blogs and boards. Cycle. Not period. Got it. ANYhow… my cycle or period or whatever you want to call it needs to cooperate!  I am all ready to start with my BBT tracking- I have my pen, notepad, chart, and basal thermometer all set up within arms’ reach on my nightstand. I have an account on fertilityfriend dot com.   I have read all there is to know about when to take my temperature (first thing in the morning, before you even BREATHE), how to take my temperature (orally, vaginally, or rectally, in case you were wondering… but really, who’s gonna stick a thermometer up their whooha every morning when they could just pop the thing in their mouth? And how would one go about doing so without violating the don’t sit up/don’t move/don’t even BREATHE until you temp is taken rule? Quandry…), and how to chart it.  All that I need is for my cycle to actually start so I can start charting! We are on cycle day 35 over here, folks, CD35. This is ridiculous. I am normally a 31-34 day girl, so naturally, as soon as I decide I would really like my period to come so that I can take the first steps towards TTC, my cycle decides to be irregular and extend itself by an unknown number of days. Naturally.

And I know this is why I’m charting however-many-months in advance, so that I can get a feel for these sorts of things and be able to predict when I’m going to ovulate, but really, for someone as excited as I am to have to sit and wait for her body to cooperate is torture. Torture I tell you.  I suck at waiting.

And no, I don’t want to talk about how I’m going to get through 9 10 months of waiting pregnancy. Go away.

-A

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The other half of this mom duo.

I’m -C! Otherwise known as the mom not baking this baby that will eventually be in the oven utero. As noted in my partner’s post, I baked Thing One. Once was enough for me to decide that I was not created to be pregnant. Lucky for me, my partner is more than willing and obessed excited to be the one baking Thing 2.

We have quite a ways to wait until the actual baking of Thing 2 even begins. There are many circumstances and reasons to wait, one we are a lesbian couple so getting preggo is a little more complicated for us then hetero couples, with the tracking basal body tempature, something to do with her mucus (trying to avoid details about this tracking method), cycles, and anything else we can google to help us up our chances of conceiving at home, on the first try. Plus we are engaged to be married in July- not that we are not traditional wait till were married girls, just that we already got her dress, and if she gets pregnant now, we would be dress shopping again, and I want to avoid that at all costs. So it’s the waiting and planning game for now.

So for now I will be blogging about whatever comes to mind and I feel like blogging, this is going to be interesting, as anything that involves myself, A and Thing One is hilarious.

Let the fun begin

-C

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